1/26/2024 0 Comments Drama, Peace, and Stress: Necessary Elements for Connected, Conscious RelationshipsI’ve seen the list of requirements for the current dating pool in our society and I must say, I am shocked by what people are asking for. When I hear individuals express a desire for a peaceful, drama-free, stress-free relationship, I can’t help but notice how much of the experience of life is excluded in such a request.
“I just want someone to bring me peace…be my peace, be my place of peace.” It seems like a virtuous request, doesn’t it? Let’s look at the definition of “peace” for a moment. Peace noun 1. Freedom from disturbance, inconvenience, or interruption 2. Freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts and emotions 3. A period or state of concord between two parties 4. To keep silent or quiet If what you are inviting in is freedom from disturbance, inconvenience, or interruption, then how on Earth are you supposed to meet someone? The very act of meeting someone new disturbs our comfort zones, inconveniences our self-confidence (temporarily of course) and interrupts our thoughts and emotions. How can one find a mate if they are seeking quiet and silence? Are you asking for your partner to be mute? Are you saying you don’t want to be interrupted by desire? Are you saying that arousal is inconvenient? How can there be joyful conversations in your relationship if your demand for peace (and quiet and silence) is so high? How will you ever connect with another incredibly unique human if what you say is “I want peace”? Peace, the way I see it, is a state of being that only the individual can provide for themselves. If you are seeking someone else to provide you with a state of being that you can access internally, you are saying you do not have the ability or capacity of peace of mind. Seek out harmony and unity of two separate forces rather than demanding silence, solitude, and peace. Because if you keep asking for peace, that’s exactly what you will get. “I do not want any drama. If there is drama, I am out.” Many people unknowingly believe that any form of drama is bad. Peace is good, must bring, but drama = bad, can’t have that. Well, let’s look at the word drama, shall we? Drama noun 1. A movie, play, or television production with a serious tone or subject. 2. Art, literature, or affairs 3. A state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces. 4. Dramatic state, effect, quality Drama is necessary for an intense love affair, is it not? Without drama, without a series of events that are interesting and exciting, we do not connect. Love is a collision of forces, including dramatic forces. Without drama, love wouldn’t be love. Drama is not a bad thing, but a necessary element for the recipe of alchemy. Remember, love is transformative, it changes your state of being, so it is going to include suspense, intensity, and interesting climactic peaks throughout the relationship. If you continue to demand a drama-free engagement, you’ll get it- and you’ll end up in an uninteresting, anti-transformative, boring situation…alone! “If I can’t have a stress-free relationship, then I will stay single.” Stress is an interesting word, isn’t it? Most of us identify the word stress as a negative consequence of overwhelm or upset. But let’s think about this term a bit more expansively, shall we? Stress noun 1. Pressure or tension exerted on a material object. 2. A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from very demanding circumstances. verb 1. Give particular emphasis or importance to (a point, statement, or idea) made in speech or writing 2.Subject to pressure or tension Listen, I am not suggesting one benefits from encouraging stress, but I am suggesting we look at stress outside the negative lens. Stress during sexual connection is a good thing, isn’t it? When pressure or tension (or friction) is applied to our bodies, it’s very rewarding, is it not? Is arousal not a demanding circumstance for the body and the mind? The thing about stress is that humans actually require some stress in their lives for the development of resiliency. If you aren’t willing to get your heart pumping a little faster and place yourself in risky, unknown, uncertain circumstances, you will never know love, you will never receive the reward, and you will suffer from a resiliency-deficiency. As it goes, you can’t have love if you don’t welcome all that comes with it. You won’t find love in silence and solitude. You won’t experience passion unless there is suffering, and you won’t know peace until you endure suffering. Suffering comes from stress, but without stress, we do not develop a resiliency to overcome greater obstacles along our path of life. Drama in love is the unending ebb and flow of two people navigating their dynamic. Without a conflict of forces (energy, without an interruption to presence, you’ll miss out on life’s greatest adventures.
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"At the beginning of love, there is a surprise, the discovery of another person to whom we are bound to by no tie other than an indefinable physical and spiritual attraction; that person may even be a stranger and come from another world."
-Octavio Paz, The Double Flame of Love and Eroticism
-Octavio Paz, The Double Flame of Love and Eroticism
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