Q. What’s one way that I can connect with my partner on an emotional and/or mental level? What does this look like in practice? I don’t know what to do!
A. In practice, emotional connection can be as simple as a conversation or as complex as a philosophical debate. Communication is lubrication, after all. One can emotionally connect while collaborating on a home remodel or DIY project. You can emotionally connect over a game of chess or sequence. You can emotionally connect by cooking your meal together, folding laundry together, dancing together, or just lingering in bed with one another before starting the day. You can emotionally connect during an argument or a disagreement, too. A connection occurs when we collaborate in the present moment, together.
Emotional connection is also known as emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy is a close, emotional bond characterized by mutual understanding, trust, vulnerability, and communication. It’s a sense of feeling in touch with someone who cares about us. According to the Gottman Institute, “Emotional intimacy is important to a healthy relationship because it allows partners to feel safe and secure in connection. It allows for a greater level of communication and understanding. When emotional intimacy is present, partners are more likely to feel satisfied and fulfilled in their relationship.”
Emotional connection has also been described as “a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.” It’s a bond between you and your partner. And once that bond is made, unless you are adamantly intentional about severing it, the connection remains throughout the relationship. The signal strength may vary from time-to-time, but so long as an emotion can be aroused while engaging with the other, the connection is present.
Emotions = energy in motion. So emotional connection is really about how we plug in to the kinetic energy and how we relate it to what we are experiencing with the other. The tricky part is determining which type of energy to relate to and express in that connection. Am I plugging into the energy of arousal and awakening or am I plugging into the energy of anger and fear?
When a romantic partner is seeking an emotional connection prior to having sex, what he or she may be asking for is an awakening or arousing of feelings and sensations in the present moment, which are oriented toward sexual desire.
Maybe you have been at work all day, and your partner has too. Maybe you had to rush to pick up the kids from sports and throw something together for dinner, and after the homework, the chores, and the bedtime routine, your partner really just wants to share non-obligatory space with you. The hustle and bustle of the day-to-day routine can really interrupt intimacy and the feeling of being close and on the same page. Emotional connection requests are really about alignment in the atmosphere.
When I realize that the emotional connection already exists, it can really reduce pressure and stress and minimize feelings of separateness and exclusion. My husband and I are already emotionally connected. That was obvious in the first few weeks of our courting. That does not go away unless one of us decides to pull the power plug out. I know I am plugged into an energy source that connects my husband to me, the question is, which energy source am I plugged into? Which frequency am I broadcasting from? Once I determine which energy I am operating from, I can make an adjustment to the frequency, if needed, and set my intention toward pleasure and playfulness.
Essentially, we want to activate the play and pleasure senses for emotional connection. When we collaborate creatively, we evoke the energy of coordination, imagination, and fascination.
When my husband and I collaborated in building a headboard for our bed, we coordinated with each other to make time to begin, we imagined what it would look like in various ways, and then we were fascinated by the result when we finished the project. It awakened and aroused our creative parts of the brain and reminded us how well we play together. The entire experience was arousing and pleasurable, and after we put the headboard up, we tested out its durability later that evening. Which resulted in more play and pleasure.
A. In practice, emotional connection can be as simple as a conversation or as complex as a philosophical debate. Communication is lubrication, after all. One can emotionally connect while collaborating on a home remodel or DIY project. You can emotionally connect over a game of chess or sequence. You can emotionally connect by cooking your meal together, folding laundry together, dancing together, or just lingering in bed with one another before starting the day. You can emotionally connect during an argument or a disagreement, too. A connection occurs when we collaborate in the present moment, together.
Emotional connection is also known as emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy is a close, emotional bond characterized by mutual understanding, trust, vulnerability, and communication. It’s a sense of feeling in touch with someone who cares about us. According to the Gottman Institute, “Emotional intimacy is important to a healthy relationship because it allows partners to feel safe and secure in connection. It allows for a greater level of communication and understanding. When emotional intimacy is present, partners are more likely to feel satisfied and fulfilled in their relationship.”
Emotional connection has also been described as “a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.” It’s a bond between you and your partner. And once that bond is made, unless you are adamantly intentional about severing it, the connection remains throughout the relationship. The signal strength may vary from time-to-time, but so long as an emotion can be aroused while engaging with the other, the connection is present.
Emotions = energy in motion. So emotional connection is really about how we plug in to the kinetic energy and how we relate it to what we are experiencing with the other. The tricky part is determining which type of energy to relate to and express in that connection. Am I plugging into the energy of arousal and awakening or am I plugging into the energy of anger and fear?
When a romantic partner is seeking an emotional connection prior to having sex, what he or she may be asking for is an awakening or arousing of feelings and sensations in the present moment, which are oriented toward sexual desire.
Maybe you have been at work all day, and your partner has too. Maybe you had to rush to pick up the kids from sports and throw something together for dinner, and after the homework, the chores, and the bedtime routine, your partner really just wants to share non-obligatory space with you. The hustle and bustle of the day-to-day routine can really interrupt intimacy and the feeling of being close and on the same page. Emotional connection requests are really about alignment in the atmosphere.
When I realize that the emotional connection already exists, it can really reduce pressure and stress and minimize feelings of separateness and exclusion. My husband and I are already emotionally connected. That was obvious in the first few weeks of our courting. That does not go away unless one of us decides to pull the power plug out. I know I am plugged into an energy source that connects my husband to me, the question is, which energy source am I plugged into? Which frequency am I broadcasting from? Once I determine which energy I am operating from, I can make an adjustment to the frequency, if needed, and set my intention toward pleasure and playfulness.
Essentially, we want to activate the play and pleasure senses for emotional connection. When we collaborate creatively, we evoke the energy of coordination, imagination, and fascination.
When my husband and I collaborated in building a headboard for our bed, we coordinated with each other to make time to begin, we imagined what it would look like in various ways, and then we were fascinated by the result when we finished the project. It awakened and aroused our creative parts of the brain and reminded us how well we play together. The entire experience was arousing and pleasurable, and after we put the headboard up, we tested out its durability later that evening. Which resulted in more play and pleasure.
"At the beginning of love, there is a surprise, the discovery of another person to whom we are bound to by no tie other than an indefinable physical and spiritual attraction; that person may even be a stranger and come from another world."
-Octavio Paz, The Double Flame of Love and Eroticism
-Octavio Paz, The Double Flame of Love and Eroticism
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